Dr. Fir' Blog Malaysian Clinical Psychologist Online

I know how difficult it can be for children to get their parents a holiday gift. Too often, it seems children learn the art of me-thinking by simply going to the mall (sometimes with their parents' money!) and buying some household item or useless trinket that just gathers dust or takes up space in the closet after the holidays. It's as if the expectation we have for our children is that they "Buy something" rather than using the holidays as a time to teach children, young and old, how to show genuine caring for another person.

This year, I suggest nurturing we-thinking by inviting kids to put a little of themselves into every gift. Here's five suggestions, grouped by themes.

1) All that TECHNOLOGY the kids have is good for something besides playing games! How about asking the kids to load an iPod with a mix that mom or dad might like? How about downloading a classic film that the parents loved when they were kids at Christmas? What about making a short documentary on family life, or creating a family webpage? If this stuff sounds complicated for us adults, they're a breeze for most ten-year-olds.

2) REDEEMABLE COUPONS for favours that are good all year long are sure to please any parent. Five free dog walks. Two cat grooms. One spaghetti dinner (with meatballs if the child can manage it). Breakfast in bed. A drive-free Sunday. A weekend of camping (no arguing in the car, promise!). There are endless possibilities.

3) How about FOOD? The best gift I ever received from my son was a tin of homemade chocolate biscotti. I'm a cookie fiend and he knew exactly what I would love. Sure he could have bought me some, but I am sure I wouldn't remember them the same way I remember those aromatic wonders he cooked himself. So what if the fire alarm went off when the first batch were in the oven! There is endless possibilities when our kids take over the kitchen, or try their hand at sewing, or do what they can with the tools in the workshop. Ask them to buy the raw ingredients if you want to help impress upon them the importance of really putting themselves (and their own money) into the gift.

4) TIME TOGETHER. The best gift my daughter ever gave my wife, I think, was a promise to go for a hike with her and I on the majestic rocky shores of Nova Scotia. Not bad for an 11-year-old. I'm amazed how many parents value a night of board games. A drive in the country. A willingness to go out to dinner together (if the kids can afford to pay for mom or dad's dinner, then it seems only fair mom and dad pick up the rest of the tab). Time can also be spent attending an event a parent loves, like a piece of theatre, a dog show, motorcycle racing, or even an opera. It doesn't matter whether the child will enjoy the event or not. The point is the thought that goes into thinking about which event to organize for the parent. Just be sure the child attends too!

5) Make a DONATION to something that's meaningful to the parent. Ask your kids to really think about some cause that is important to mom or dad. If their paternal grandfather recently died of prostate cancer, then maybe the local chapter of the Cancer Society might appreciate a donation targeted towards research. If mom is passionate about saving stray cats, would a day helping out at the SPCA be something mom would appreciate doing, especially if the entire family came along too?

This is just my short list. I would love to hear your best suggestions...

Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/